Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
