OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
