so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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