Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
