There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
