i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
