The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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