once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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