Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
