She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
