im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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