do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
