I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
