i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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