Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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