think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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