I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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