On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
