I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
