I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
