Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
