I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
No subtext here. People are naked.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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