i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just had sex on a roof
i now understand why vodka
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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