What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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