She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
