God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
