We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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