I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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