So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
