i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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