after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
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The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
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My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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