I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
