she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
