and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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