Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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