well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
