I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
