my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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