i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
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