JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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