let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
