I hate all girls vehemently.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
