It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
