Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
