DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
