is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
