Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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