i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
