I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
