we're blogging at a bar
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
