i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
