Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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