i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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