Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize