whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
