This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
