Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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