so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
