you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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