My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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