just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
