It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Dignity is for republicans.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
