Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
