My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
