No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
